What a Mess

Posted on Wed Jul 23rd, 2025 @ 12:52am by Ensign Aoife MacKenzie & Master Warrant Officer Yerin Di'Ara

3,289 words; about a 16 minute read

Mission: Mission 9: When the Stars Went Silent
Location: Mess Hall - USS Denver
Timeline: July 5, 2375 ~ 2 months after the Battle of Vulcan

Aoife dropped her tray onto the table beside one of the medical staff and collapsed into the seat with a rattle of the cafeteria style table. Every joint ached. Every muscle burned. There were bags under her eyes so deep they felt carved in. At this point, she wasn’t sure they’d ever fade.

“Chief,” she offered politely, her voice low and rough around the edges.

She stared down at her tray; meatloaf, steamed broccoli, and mashed potatoes. She didn't reach for her fork, instead savoring the moment of doing absolutely nothing.

Yerin could still remember that one of the first times she'd been in this room during her time on the Denver was with Gabi, and back then, thanks to the ship still reeling from battle, the best they could get from the replicator was the post apocalyptic versions of Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes. It wasn't that bad to be honest but it certainly could have been much better.

So as she sat there in the mess, she was glad to see normal food being offered again. There was even 'real' meat and vegetables now, which was great since she knew well enough that good food helped improve and maintain morale which was something they needed desperately.

She was doing her best to keep everyone in her section together. Yes. her section. After the ship left behind the disaster at Vulcan, it hadn't been long before she was officially absorbed into the Denver's medical department and even given her own quarters. She was a warrant officer and the most senior nurse in the critical care section so she got nice accommodations that she fortunately didn't have to share with anyone. It did help that the Nebula was a massive ship, far bigger than the Bellerophon, so she had a great chance at getting something good. It was also not very far from Sickbay which helped since she'd been paying a lot more attention to her team.

The tension was understandably high among the crew. The senior staff did their best to make timely announcements but scuttlebutt and speculation were always an issue where the rank and file were concerned. Her nurses were doing their best to provide care to their patients who were doing a lot better now than days ago. Thanks to the energy she received from Gabi, and her improved mental state, she'd been quietly exposing them to lifeforce a little bit at a time, at least until they had recovered past the point of danger. The rest would have to be handled by good old fashioned medical care.

But despite their best efforts, none of them could really escape the questions that were plaguing everyone, including the biggest one of all.

What now?

Vulcan had fallen, and a substantial chunk of their forces was gone. The Romulans and the Klingon had retreated back to their domains. The alliance was broken. The Federation now stood alone.

The news was devastating to many, which was why they did their best to prevent the patients from finding out, but even her staff were people too, all suffering from the same anxieties.

She feared it would only be a matter of time...

She was deep in her thoughts when someone sat down next to her, an ensign in gold, and she looked like hammered crap.

"Ma'am," she acknowledged her in turn. She wasn't about to comment on her appearance, she was probably already dealing with so much already that such a thing wouldn't be helpful at all, even as a joke or a matter of conversation. So her eyes flitted to her tray and she noted her selections. "Oh? No dessert? That's the whole point of the meal."

Aofie gave Yerin a half-smile, "Nah. It's just empty calories that I don't need."

The Orlanian's smile was gentle as she replied. "We don't live in calories alone. Sometimes, even just a simple treat, junk as it is, might be what we need to get us through the day without losing our sanity."

She took one of the brownies from her tray and offered it to her. "Not quite as good as something made from scratch by someone who knows what they're doing but, it's still pretty good."

Aoife waved the offer away. “I’m more of a savory person, to be honest.” Shrugging she picked up her fork and idly stirred the mashed potatoes. “Well, it’s not exactly emergency rations.”

At last as if she were steeling herself to jump off a cliff and into an icy lake Aoife scooped up a bite and let the buttery, creamy mash linger on her tongue before swallowing. “You’ve got family coming aboard?” she asked changing the subject and her attention to the meatloaf.

Yerin shook her head. "No, though lately I've been split on the thought as to whether that's a good thing or a bad one."

Considering how many of her comrades were so dejected and morose, she was very tight lipped on the issue of her homeworld. Before, she lamented on how Orlan was so far away from the Federation, so much so that she hadn't been able to go home in years since she first left. Now, considering the specter of the Dominion looming over them all, having her loved ones so far away and beyond easy reach felt like a huge relief.

But to anyone else's ears? She assumed it wouldn't be.

There had been more fights happening between the crew lately, something she'd seen the aftermath of in the ER when a few angry crewmen were brought in by security after scuffles. Tensions were very high but overall the crew was at least faring well for the most part.

"Right now, all I can do is send messages to them when I can and try to enjoy a few things about home," she related as she picked up an oblong shaped pastry from her plate and just before she took a bite, realized something about it. "Oh! You said something savory right?" She asked as she pushed the small plate of baked pies that looked a lot like Terran empanadas. "Here, try this one. I can guarantee you it'll taste better than your mashed potatoes. I promise," she declared with a grin.

Aoife sighed.

“Given this mission... I couldn’t leave my mom and da behind. But it’s not something I’m exactly looking forward to. I’ve got a 14-hour shift in engineering today, then I go home and turn my quarters' common room into a bedroom for me.”

She gave a tired shrug, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She took one of the pastries, examined it critically for a moment before taking a tentative bite. Chewing for a moment she smiled and swallowed.

"It's good. What is it?"

"We call it a suvani," Yerin explained with a grin. "It's a traditional pastry that used to be the preferred meal for farmers and sheperds. Every recipe is different but the most important thing is that it must be savory and the pastry must be done with fresh eggs and butter. It's supposed to give you plenty of energy after all. This one is made with a filling of braised lamb with potatoes and cheese. I usually prefer to make these from scratch but that's not always possible so I started trying to figure out how to program the replicator to make one as close to how my nana used to make it. This version is the best one so far."

Taking a bite of her own suvani, Yerin moaned appreciatively of the taste, taking notes in her head to see what else she could adjust to make it better. Maybe an aged compound butter instead of farmer's butter?

"Sounds like you have a long day, ma'am," said the nurse emphatically. "But I take it that bringing your parents along for the mission was more complicated than you thought?"

"Well, I couldn't exactly leave them here." Aoife pushed her mashed potatoes around with her fork. "It's just... I've gotten used to being alone. I love them, I do, but they still see me as their little girl."

She frowned at her plate. "I've been through hell this past year. Hell, I got shot by some crazy wolf people." She tapped her chest where the bullet had gone in, fingers lingering a moment.

"I'm not the same girl who left Starfleet Academy to enlist in a war I didn't understand. And in so many ways, even with the battlefield commission, which is a horror all its own, I still feel like that scared Crewman Recruit getting yelled at by the DI in basic."

Yerin listened closely as she nibbled on her pastry and sipped her iced tea. Her words, her struggles, while not exactly the same, reminded her of how she felt when she first chose to be one of the few of her people to venture to Federation space for the very first time.

"My parents were thrilled when I graduated from the temple and became a healer all those years ago," she related. "Among our kind, not everyone could be one. The devout call it a gift from the Gods, but for those of science, it's a genetic mutation that allows us to function as healers. I was very young when I took on the mantle for the first time, scared and excited. All those years of being yelled at for one infraction after another, punished for the slightest mistake, suddenly it was all culminating in that moment... and I was suddenly terrified because it wasn't being a novice in the temple anymore. We would be responsible for the lives and well being of people who come to seek our aid. The thought of causing harm to anyone... I was a wreck."

She sighed as she remembered being ill for days after graduating, not even the comfort of her fellow healers could ease her troubled heart. Suddenly it seemed like it was so long ago. How far had she come from being that young woman so eager yet so scared to finally do the job she was training for all those years.

"But then, I remembered reading a book written by one of our saints," Yerin continued. "Like me, she'd been so scared leaving the temple to serve the people as well. She'd been so eager to help, so devoted in her studies, that for every time she was faced with the specter of failure, she would ignore it. The day eventually came when she couldn't. She details how her heart broke when there was a friend of hers, who came to her for comfort and healing, yet no matter what she did, she couldn't ease his heart and his pain. He ended up taking his own life and that broke her."

"But then, she realized later on that that one failure shouldn't get in the way of her dedication to do what she could for others," she declared. "She had worked so hard to learn how to help people, and those same people were counting on her. If she allowed fear to rule her heart, she wouldn't get anywhere. People would just suffer. She'd be totally useless."

Yerin smiled as she finished her suvani while she offered the last one to the young ensign. "When I read that, I understood that the world continues on with or without us. If I let the fear of failure get in my way, I won't be able to help others. That morning I finally left my chambers, took a shower, ate the first big breakfast I've had in days, and quickly went to work. I would succeed, I would fail, but never again did I let fear stop me. I guess... I went a little too far because I rose through the ranks and one day I had a chance to finally leave my homeworld to see what the Federation was all about. That was the only time my parents protested."

She chuckled as she remembered that very scene where her family tried to stage an intervention. "They tried reasoning with me, tried begging me to stay, but... I wanted to do more, be more. And hearing about a whole place out there beyond our realm, it was my chance to grow as a person. My mother hugged me so tight I was afraid she might not let me go at all when we were at the spaceport."

Then she grew a little wistful as she drained the last of her drink. "I haven't seen my family in years, haven't been home since the day I left. All I could do is talk to them through comms, trying not to worry them too much about what's going on here." She turned to look at the young officer. "Having people who care deeply about you, even to the point where they treat you as if you were still a child, might be annoying sometimes but it can also be a rare and precious thing. Not all of us are lucky to have people who care about us to be there in our moment of trials."

She smirked. "Besides, all this is nothing when you consider that you faced off against werewolves in combat and survived even after getting shot. And a battlefield commission as well? Ensign, you're certified badass." She offered a grin and a thumbs up. "You got this."

Aoife sighed, "I only received the commission for doing nothing more than surviving. At the Battle of Tyra, the coolant tanks ruptured, killing most of the engineering department. And the Lupherain incident." She shrugged. "Wrong place at the right time. A warp bomb had destroyed one of their cities after they tried to reverse engineer a warp drive from a downed Cardassian warship." She shrugged again, "Their military decided we were a threat, and we got caught up in the middle of a coup d'état while trying to render aid."

"Damn, I can't imagine how high the pucker factor was with that one. I'm sorry for your loss."

While Yerin had gone through training to render some counsel to those whose hearts ached and souls felt empty back home, and had gone through the mandatory psych rotation as a nurse, she wasn't anywhere near as well trained as a proper counselor.

But this woman needed someone to listen, and maybe offer some words, and if she could do even that for her, then maybe it would do her some good.

"This isn't my ship," she revealed. "I was the only one in my department who survived. How? I was helping one of my junior nurses evacuate the critically wounded from the ship before it exploded. CMO caught us as we were finishing. Because I was a senior, I should have been the one to go with him to help, but because she was closer and the doc was in a hurry, she got yanked, and I went ahead with a dozen souls close to death. A few seconds after we materialized on the Denver, the Bellerophon was gone, along with everyone I knew since the start of this war,"

"When I traveled here from my homeworld, I never imagined there would be a war that would see me all but conscripted," she continued. "I graduated the academy when the war started, and as soon as I completed my first rotation as a nurse, I was selected for further training as a medic. I thought I'd just go with security teams who fight while I patch them up, but Starfleet had bigger plans for me. So me, who had never touched a phaser since the academy and qualification training, got sent to Fleet Medical Training Battalion to become a devil doc."

Yerin smirked. "Healers like me back in my homeland normally don't use weapons, we heal, not kill. I was surprised I was good at it, though, even if I hated taking lives. I kept getting sent on the tougher missions. Apparently, I could hold it together better than the others. Eventually, they had me doing jobs that a grunt was supposed to do because they needed someone who could keep up and do more than one job. Hell, they were so short-handed they had me leading patrols at one point. It wasn't like I was the best in the world; I was just good enough for the job, even if it wasn't supposed to be mine. And when the guy who replaced the marine CO found out about it, he balked and had me taken off that job because medics aren't supposed to do that apparently. Who knew? I certainly didn't. For me, I just... didn't want my patients to die, not if I could help it."

"This war... has cost so many people so much," she declared. "Many are forced to take on roles they never imagined they'd ever had to take, sometimes roles that we hate to our very core. But sometimes, we end up in those places, wrong ones maybe, at the right time, because... we have a chance to make a shitty situation less shitty. We don't have to like it, but if we have a shot to make a positive change, it'd be a shame not to even try, right?"

Aoife shrugged, "It would seem we are both a long way from home, and both a disappointment to our parents. At least you are utilizing your more youthful talents." She shot Yerin a sideways grin, "A guitar or a bagpipe doesn't fix a warp core. Too bad, though."

The Orlanian medic chuckled. "Maybe not, but... I think that might be what everyone needs right now." She related what she'd been seeing everywhere, the people who kept getting admitted to sickbay for injuries, some from fights and some self inflicted from carelessness... and worse. She saw the tension within everyone, felt it, like a wire being drawn more and more taut with every passing second.

"A guitar or a bagpipe might not fix a warp core but... they might be able to help heal people in ways I can't," said Yerin. "Just like how a good meal or a nice conversation can help uplift someone's heart, maybe something like that would help a lot while we try to cope with what we're going through. And maybe... just help keep everything together, just a bit longer."

She turned and smiled at the young officer. "You know what I mean?"

Aoife flushed and looked away. "I don't know... music does have a power, but... I don’t know. I haven’t performed in a long time."

"You won't know till you try," Yerin suggested. "But I get it. How about you try with a smaller bunch? Maybe some friends? See how they like it? And then when you're more confident, try for a larger group. Little bit at a time. That way, it doesn't feel as daunting as it could. Heck, if you don't mind, I'd gladly listen to you sing."

Aoife eyed Yerin with suspicion, not quite sure what her angle was.
Was she genuinely trying to be helpful, or was there some subtext, an ulterior motive? Sighing, she lifted the last bite of her meatloaf. As she chewed, she drummed her fingers on the table. Swallowing, she shrugged.

“The pipes are… an acquired taste. But maybe a little guitar in the lounge one night. I don’t know too much of the modern stuff, but could probably muddle through some classical pieces. The Highland folk tunes would probably get lost on most people.”

The Orlanian nurse smiled and nodded. "Sounds good to me."

 

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